So, I first ever chanced upon this tumblr post which says something along the line "If you want her to be yours forever, treat her like how you were chasing her even after she is yours." And since then, it has etched in my mind forever that if I do not find someone like this in life to be with, I might as well not.
The start of the relationship is inevitably sweet & tender. He pays attention to every single needs, worries, questions you have. Every text and call means so much to him. Gradually, he gets comfortable with you and this is where 99% of the guys start to commit this "mistake". They start to put in less effort due to your reciprocation, and then till 0. That's when the girl is unable to take it anymore and calls for a break, which marks the end of a relationship which you initially thought will last.
At this moment, I'm stuck in the phase of him making little effort. From my point of view, every single PMS I ever had, he was never with me, even when he could. Maybe he's a guy, who probably doesn't know how it feels like. But honestly, for girls, PMS could be one of the hardest thing to handle. You start overthinking and overreacting, just like now, perhaps. All we need is probably hugs & kisses, or even sweet actions like buying me food would make everything so much better. Because as our boyfriends, we expect you to do something when we are having PMS. But as guys, you always disappoint because NOTHING is done.
Yesterday, I have work till 9pm. I had a bad day at work because I'm struggling and I have things that are worrying me. I poured my heart out to you. You said you were busy couldn't reply. Fine. Then I reminded you about it again and you told me I am just being paranoid and then BAM next convo. Wow. That's the last thing a girl wants to hear when shes bearing so much emotions inside of her.
We were supposed to meet after work and you'll send me home. I told you I couldn't end on time because I am not done with it. You didn't ask me what time I would end. I told you to not meet then and you really didn't. You know all I wanted was just you to insist to meet me, and be nice to accompany me home because I'm suffering from PMS. So you said you will have dinner at home with your mum. Maybe you were tired, fine.
On my way home, you told me you were going out for bowling now. Wait. What? Haha. Wow. Maybe you weren't tired. Maybe you just did not want to deal with my emotions because you think that I am overreacting. You could've just sent me home right? I only ended work an hour late. Plus I had a new hair cut & did eyelash extensions, guess you weren't into how it looks on me too.
Well, let me tell you what the old you would do. Reach my workplace at 9pm. Just sit down somewhere looking at me while waiting for me to end work. Buys me my favourite drink and send me home. It's that fucking simple yet just what I needed last night. You couldn't do it. You went bowling with your friends instead.
Don't get me wrong, I don't ever stop you from going out with your friends. Its just that one day I needed you every month, you couldn't accompany me just for that few short hours. Yes, when you in army you couldn't, I understand. But you were free yesterday, and I wasn't the priority.
I cried in a public toilet yesterday, went to eat mac after & went home. Bathed and went to bed in tears. Woke up, still in tears. My extensions are falling off hahaha.
You could've made the night not like this. And now, I'm just ignoring you all the way because of the anger from last night. You only know how to say you're a bad boyfriend but you don't change, you say sorry but you don't even know your mistakes, you spam calls on my phone but you don't even mean it when you call. Stop asking me why, I am sick of saying every time and you just stay the same every month.
Today, we were supposed to go suntanning and have dinner with my parents. I bet you forgot about the dinner part. I'm awake since 9am and have to wait till 3pm to meet you. But I lost all the feels to meet you. I am mad right now.
You don't bother to check my social media anymore even when I am having panic attack, it really feels like a stone is in my throat & I can't breathe. You don't buy me flowers with meanings anymore, it feels like a routine instead. You don't attend to my worries, needs, or love anymore, because you suppose I am responsible of it myself. But little did you know, I am taken for granted.
And that, is so contradictory to the moral I stuck by since young - to never stop chasing the one you love.
Fuck it you know. I'm not sure if I can let go now, but if this continues, I definitely will.
Boys are so disappointing.
And if I tell you all of these, you'll probably just laugh it off.
This is never something serious to you anyway.
And it will never be.
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