Sigh....I guess in life you just don't get all you want? Gahhh
No matter how much praying, no matter how much you want something more than someone else....that someone always gets it, don't they? So is this how I describe life?
I have never been so sad in my 17 years of life, feeling that the world only revolves around connections, connections & connections. If its a bad one, then too bad. You are fucked. If its good, then there goes a sweet life for you.
No matter how much crying, is there a chance to change the results? No. It will only make others happier. So all I can do now is to just sink in? I refuse.
Gonna be positive & accept all my failures, then make the best out of everything.
I am strong.
So many terrible things have happened to me this year, I'm sure I can get through it.
And ofc, I survived this tough period all by myself, so it also shows that I don't need a boyfriend in any point of my life to rely on anymore. I gotta learn to stand strong to be myself. Nobody is gonna help me, just when I thought certain people would. It ain't ever gonna happen. That's what I've learnt.
Good job MingYang, you're about to survive the toughest period in your life. My life, full of regrets, but still have to get through it even if it means sadness. Because I want to live. For myself, my family. When I look back, I will really be so proud of myself for graduating from all these shit, and becoming so successful in the future. I want to have a great career, great body, great mind, great success. (and lets forget a beautiful sunshine face HAHAHA)
Gonna sign off xoxo
Thursday, 30 July 2015
Saturday, 25 July 2015
reflecting on life on 27/07/15
Today, I've just conquered one of the most important interview in my life. I don't know what the results will be, but I'm really praying damn hard I will get in because it is all I ever wanted.
Life is sometimes so unpredictable, be it good or bad things sigh.
This year feels like a roller coaster ride already even though its only July.
Recently I've been listening to past songs that I've heard when in Year 1 in my Spotify playlist.
Makes me reminisce all the fun times as a freshie.
Year 2 now, everything has became so much harder.
Studies, relationships, work-life balance.
I feel like an adult, yet still like a child.
Really prefer studying rather than going out to the real world and work in an industry.
Ok, so basically just wanna marry a rich man that loves me then I won't have to work HA HA
But first, I really gotta upgrade myself to fit the man that I'm gonna marry.
I like how ambitious I am, but not the part that I am lazy to take actions sometimes...
Oh well.
I wanna:
- start taking dance lessons
- start taking ukulele or guitar lessons
- find time to draw
- love someone
- devote myself to a soul mate
- do well in my studies
- get into what I always wanted
- balance well my work & study life
- make more time for my family
- love people that really cares for me
- remind myself the line towards certain people
I just feel that I need commitments to get myself busy, forget everything, & make myself feel useful.
'Don't expect to be at my success, when you're never at my lowest.'
'You're all over there happy, with a new motivation in life, while I'm still here stuck with the past.'
I guess I'm so sad these months to the point of not realising that my birthday is approaching until now ha ha
May God be ever in my favor please please please I really want to get in very badly
Life is sometimes so unpredictable, be it good or bad things sigh.
This year feels like a roller coaster ride already even though its only July.
Recently I've been listening to past songs that I've heard when in Year 1 in my Spotify playlist.
Makes me reminisce all the fun times as a freshie.
Year 2 now, everything has became so much harder.
Studies, relationships, work-life balance.
I feel like an adult, yet still like a child.
Really prefer studying rather than going out to the real world and work in an industry.
Ok, so basically just wanna marry a rich man that loves me then I won't have to work HA HA
But first, I really gotta upgrade myself to fit the man that I'm gonna marry.
I like how ambitious I am, but not the part that I am lazy to take actions sometimes...
Oh well.
I wanna:
- start taking dance lessons
- start taking ukulele or guitar lessons
- find time to draw
- love someone
- devote myself to a soul mate
- do well in my studies
- get into what I always wanted
- balance well my work & study life
- make more time for my family
- love people that really cares for me
- remind myself the line towards certain people
I just feel that I need commitments to get myself busy, forget everything, & make myself feel useful.
'Don't expect to be at my success, when you're never at my lowest.'
'You're all over there happy, with a new motivation in life, while I'm still here stuck with the past.'
I guess I'm so sad these months to the point of not realising that my birthday is approaching until now ha ha
May God be ever in my favor please please please I really want to get in very badly
Wednesday, 1 July 2015
biggest life lesson before I turn 18
I really hope I would laugh at this post 10 years down the road.
I hate the person I am now, or perhaps the people around me that has made me so upset to a point that I would want to give up on them.
Why why why do people want to change to someone so superficial and forget those that are their true friends who can stay with them till they die?
I know best friends are suppose to accept each other for who they are and their changes, but it has come to a point where I myself, cannot take the huge change anymore.
No longer the positive girl you used to be, no more cafe hopping dates, no more tgif dates to everywhere anywhere we would go just to explore good food and take nice pictures.
Blame me for being not bubbly anymore, because I am so affected by your change how do you want me to stay as happy as before? The only way, I guess, is to give you up as a best friend.
I guess in life there are no relationships that will go smooth, just when I thought we were exception.
I suppose people change, when they are legal, or some big thing that impacts each life. But, why for the worse? I really wish people aren't so passive and would stand firm on their ground and not wavered by temptations. So stuck with the surface you have now, you don't even see all you ever need is just me, and only me. If we survived the whole of last year together, loving each other's presence, why do you still need other people that only gives you the surface happiness? But overall, its your own choice, your own happiness. I have no more rights to intrude your life because I have officially given you up as my best friend after almost 3 months of struggle.
The struggle has been nothing short of pain, flashbacks and tears. You've chosen the superficial things in your life over me and it is what I have to accept. Hope 10 years later, you'll look back and realise you made a very bad decision and lost a lifelong friend. At least I know I've tried to make things work out, but each time it just goes back to frustration and tears. I am human, I get tired too.
Goodbye, my ex bestest friend.
I have loved you.
I hate the person I am now, or perhaps the people around me that has made me so upset to a point that I would want to give up on them.
Why why why do people want to change to someone so superficial and forget those that are their true friends who can stay with them till they die?
I know best friends are suppose to accept each other for who they are and their changes, but it has come to a point where I myself, cannot take the huge change anymore.
No longer the positive girl you used to be, no more cafe hopping dates, no more tgif dates to everywhere anywhere we would go just to explore good food and take nice pictures.
Blame me for being not bubbly anymore, because I am so affected by your change how do you want me to stay as happy as before? The only way, I guess, is to give you up as a best friend.
I guess in life there are no relationships that will go smooth, just when I thought we were exception.
I suppose people change, when they are legal, or some big thing that impacts each life. But, why for the worse? I really wish people aren't so passive and would stand firm on their ground and not wavered by temptations. So stuck with the surface you have now, you don't even see all you ever need is just me, and only me. If we survived the whole of last year together, loving each other's presence, why do you still need other people that only gives you the surface happiness? But overall, its your own choice, your own happiness. I have no more rights to intrude your life because I have officially given you up as my best friend after almost 3 months of struggle.
The struggle has been nothing short of pain, flashbacks and tears. You've chosen the superficial things in your life over me and it is what I have to accept. Hope 10 years later, you'll look back and realise you made a very bad decision and lost a lifelong friend. At least I know I've tried to make things work out, but each time it just goes back to frustration and tears. I am human, I get tired too.
Goodbye, my ex bestest friend.
I have loved you.
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