biggest life lesson before I turn 18

I really hope I would laugh at this post 10 years down the road.

I hate the person I am now, or perhaps the people around me that has made me so upset to a point that I would want to give up on them.

Why why why do people want to change to someone so superficial and forget those that are their true friends who can stay with them till they die?

I know best friends are suppose to accept each other for who they are and their changes, but it has come to a point where I myself, cannot take the huge change anymore.

No longer the positive girl you used to be, no more cafe hopping dates, no more tgif dates to everywhere anywhere we would go just to explore good food and take nice pictures.

Blame me for being not bubbly anymore, because I am so affected by your change how do you want me to stay as happy as before? The only way, I guess, is to give you up as a best friend.

I guess in life there are no relationships that will go smooth, just when I thought we were exception.

I suppose people change, when they are legal, or some big thing that impacts each life. But, why for the worse? I really wish people aren't so passive and would stand firm on their ground and not wavered by temptations. So stuck with the surface you have now, you don't even see all you ever need is just me, and only me. If we survived the whole of last year together, loving each other's presence, why do you still need other people that only gives you the surface happiness? But overall, its your own choice, your own happiness. I have no more rights to intrude your life because I have officially given you up as my best friend after almost 3 months of struggle.

The struggle has been nothing short of pain, flashbacks and tears. You've chosen the superficial things in your life over me and it is what I have to accept. Hope 10 years later, you'll look back and realise you made a very bad decision and lost a lifelong friend. At least I know I've tried to make things work out, but each time it just goes back to frustration and tears. I am human, I get tired too.

Goodbye, my ex bestest friend.
I have loved you.

sad thoughts

It's been like more than half a year just to update this space ha ha ha.
I wonder who still visits man,

But anyway, wanna pen down some quotes/thoughts that got me really thinking lately.

1. Never trust the same person who broke your trust twice.

2. A leopard will never change its spots.

3. Be independent, for that you can never be with someone forever in everything you do.

4. Don't be afraid to be alone.

5. Better to be alone than with a bunch of people that makes you feel lonely.

6. If people wants to continue their friendship with you, they will take the initiative.

7. Very tired of always being the one taking initiative. Its time for me to stop, to either make you realise that I've stopped or to make me realise you are genuine about our friendship.

8. Is there really such things as fate?

9. Sick of always asking people what they are doing, why they are angry, sad or mad. Because when it's my turn, nobody does it ha ha saddening isn't it?

10. Fake people are everywhere. Or basically, everyone. Even me, perhaps?

11. It sucks balls to be so nice to people, and then your kind intentions get intertwined.

12. Graduate with no true friends in poly, is very much true.

13. You can never be yourself because everyone is judging 24/7.

14. Everyone and everything are based on looks. What to do?

15. Why is even putting make up wrong? I feel good, so shut up.

16. I don't need such childish men in my life.

17. I am not everyone's substitute, nor a toy.

18. Stop being sensitive. The question is, how?

19. Is sensitivity stuck to the soul?

20. Why am I trying to impress everyone around me when I'm pretty much, unimpressive?

21. Ego.

22. Why do I keep forcing myself? Hate it.

23. Will never do things to harm my own body because its my soul that I dislike.

24. One day, the guy that calls me beautiful and cute while grinning with cheeky eyes, shall be my man,

25. I find my way back to you. 6 years and counting...

26. Will I ever find him?

27. They say he'll appear when I'm not finding for one... :-) (hopefully)

28. Should stop being aggressive, But then, it won't be me anymore... Sigh...

29. Start saving for my future. $$$


NOTE TO SELF:

INDEPENDENCE & PERSEVERANCE IS THE KEY TO SUCCESS.

Square-fade pictures

Basically my life in squares, andddddd in fade effect!! Got damn addicted to it thanks to Mabel  😍 😗

new kicks I got from H&M recently!! super in love with 💗 

visiting Nanz house during deepavali! I miss secondary school days so so so much, where people are less fake.

notebooks Jeanette were choosing to write her module notes :)

great marshmallow ice cream Brenda & I waited damn long for

 😋 

first time wearing le new kicks, along with new pullover which Leyi & I got tgtr! 

hers in green 😊

random art thang I drew while being bored in Environmental Health lecture zzzz

prolly the best person on earth 

   💛 💙 💜 💚

recently gone damn crazy with etude house stuffs???

I have like 3 packets of their stuffs within a week lel see my level of fandom

& super love how they give samples!!!

omggggg can just spend my whole pay there

dk why I got so into makeup recently hehehe

girlssssss 

Life now

Honestly everything in my life is damn fucked up now.
School just barely started, and I'm forced back to being hardworking but I'm still unable to cope whatever is being taught. This sucks. Yes I am not only stupid, but also a very slow learner.

Getting into X was the best thing that could ever happen in my life because indeed it is a very rare opportunity. But ever since I got to know everyone, meetings were never going my way. Every single time I would cry without fail. Lousy planning, zero efficiency. Im sick of all these already. Fuck off guys.

Always having to feel left out, not being able to fit in, not attractive enough for people to start conversation with.  How many times I cried for being not pretty enough to get chosen while other girls dont even have to try to be pretty. Im so sick of all these superficial and judgemental shits even though I admit I do it too. Karma I guess, fuck it. This is my life, my sucky life that I have to go through.

Hate projects, hate meetings, hate socialising.
All I want to do is have enough sleep and do what I feel comfortable with.

ALOHA

omg guise!!! its been dayummmm long since i've updated this holy space of mine sighhhh
school work is reallty hectic and poly is honestly no joke man. i always feel stressed out no matter how much i try to rush my assignments so i get to have some time for myself. the worst part is that everyone is always at a faster pace than me which really freaks me out zzzz

no matter whatttt i still have no regrets :)))) (anyway I cant regret also hahah sobsob)
so like through these few months of my poly life im really grateful for knowing many many manyyyyyy nice people (some are very fake though, i tryna keep a distance in case I get influenced HAHAHA)

and the following would be some things I try to be strict with myself to stay not so stressed out! I dont know if it would work for you but whatever im just gonna note it down and constantly remind myself.

1. Do work at your own pace
try not to care about what others pace are, just do it at your own pace which you can focus and concentrate most. slow and steady wins the race yo!!! must must must do whats more suitable for yourself if not everything would end up going wrong if you tryna rush yourself just because you are so easily influenced by others!!

2. Do it for yourself
never ever i repeat never ever try to compare your marks with others. as much as this stupid world revolves around grades mostly, never ever have the heart to compete with others because it is just so unhealthy. it only ends up causing jealousy and sadness. so just do it for yourself, because the marks you get belongs to you yourself only, not others. do not care or think about other peoples results.  so very unhealthy and distracting.

3. Do not treat others how you do not want them to treat you like
this amazing quote came from benji when i was bitching bout some gal. so even as much as I dont like some people I guess I should be nice and just avoid them and dont annoy them. I shall save up my saliva and keep my mouth shut about them too. It will only distract myself and its sooooo badddddddd. Imagine someone scolding meeee how hurtful would it be sobbbzzz yay good self reflection done

goodbye

THIRD FOOD POST MUAHAHA

Sorreh I just cant stop blogging about food

It has become a bad habit & a hobby of mine to always take photos of the food before I eat 

Oopsie hehe ><

My free SB drink after having a hard & long time collecting 12 drinks HAHAHA

Iced Mocha before work :D

Mac on different days with Jeanette after work :( 

Supper at 12am is no joke man

Went to try out Kiseki Buffet with Jeanette & Brenda :

Their buffet was really good!! 

Super lot of varieties! Love their prawns damnnnn

Brenda "Eh Mingyang stop ah" HAHAAH

SEXY PRAWNS MY FAV

Their desserts were not bad too

Only liked the ice creams and waffles though

some other random fav food of mine:

This is damn good man love the chewy outer and green bean paste hurhur <3

Cafe Hopping the other day at Holland Village with the same animals again ^^ 

That potato salad was damn good man!! but also expensive!! :( 

I think it was $6.50! :(

Churros!! Tasted super good man!!

Affordable too :D

Haagen Daz after exploring HV

$45++ :'( but was a good experience :b

Some day at NP's Makan Place after buying our laptops

Their desserts are like super cheap man!!YAY

Treated Shanice to this before heading to tuition to do stuffs haha cos I didnt buy her any birthday present and she prefers people treating her to a meal so tadaaaa

it was like around $40 my heart broke to a million pieces kay

Went to meet my mum at Paris B after tuition stuffs

Loved everything that I got in here except the royal pudding cos I didnt try

Esp the juice zomg it was so good I even tried making it at home hahahah cos it was damn ex sia like nine bucks for a fruit drink is just too cray cray

MORE FOOD POSTS COMING UP HEHE SORREH TO TEMPT YA XX

FOC 14/15

Sup guys!! 

So I'm here laying down on my bed in my awesome air conditioned room while blogging and listening to Ed Sheeran's songs oh and not forgetting eating oreos and having yakult(my favs!!)

Days like this really makes me feel relaxed and blessed :))

So Shanice, Brenda and I signed up for NP's Freshmen Orientation Camp(FOC) when the registration was opened since we were quite eager to make friends so we dont look like losers HAHAHAH

Happy that all three of us got to go, but really sad when we all got separated once we got into the convention centre :(

my heart was like NOOOOOOOOOOOOO

HAHAHAHA HAIZ

So i was sent to H1 under Heracles tribe

Couldnt see who was in my group cos I was kind of the last person in my group to arrive and they were in two rows.

I felt really uncomfortable and fucking sad after separating with my bffs sigh 

BUT THEN

WHEN WE WERE TOLD TO STAND UP & PLAY ICE BREAKERS

DENG

DENG

DENG

DENG

.

.

.

.

.

I SAW WENDY PANG DE HUIIIIIIII IN MY GROUP!!!!

MY EYES WERE SO HUGE LIKE THEY WERE GONNA FALL OUT HAHAHA SERIOUS KAY ( SO WERE HERS HAHAHA)

OFC I RAN TO HER LA COS SHES LIKE A BBSSIAN?

DAMN LUCKY I SWEAR

not only shes in my group but also bcos we work at the same shopping centre but different shops but still same level!! just right opposite each other somemore!!

We never talked in school, just knew each others existence.

During work we only said hi when we saw each other cos it was quite shocking to see her working there since its somehow an ulu place?!

Wah I swear our fate is infinite man HAHAHA 

So I stuck with Wendy throughout the camp hehe

Then through her I met another BBSSian which was in her class but I never realised his existence.

HAHA SORREH BENJI

THEN I SAW MY TUITION MATE INSIDE MY GROUP I WAS HELD BOUND MAN LIKE WOWOWOWOW

Cos we just saw each other like a few days before camp at tuition to do some stuffs and he said he hasnt receive any calls so I thought he wont be atttending.

But idk how in the end he got in AND FURTHERMORE IN MY GROUP HAHA TALK ABOUT FATE MAN

There was 27 freshies in our subtribe with 3 GLs 

quite a lot to handle hor hahaha

Okay so everything was kind of awkward and everyone couldn't get my name and so did I.

it was really tough memorizing 29 other names & faces in like 5 mins?

but soon everything turned out fine i guess

we had some ice breaker games then i forgot what happened hahahah

so slowly idk how we became quite bonded and kept on taking group selfies hahahaha

sadly i left my phone with the GLs cos of the wet and dirty games throughout the three days and only got it back on the last day of camp :(

we were not allowed to sleep on the last night so when i dozed off i was forced to run 100m & walk another 400m :'((((

the sunrise after me running HAHA really pretty :))

the three awesome GLs that sacrificed a lot for us :')

WENDY WHO HAS TO BE STUCK WITH MOI ALL THE TIME MUAHAHAHA

(cuz im lika little kid)

 

Selfie with de hui (muahahaha) & Sendra during finale

Through this camp I've really forged more bonds with people and also understood even more things.

Like its really important to be yourself in order to stand out

Just keep quiet if you dont fit in and find another group of friends where you can shine more :-)

Even though I felt left out most of the time(thank god for wendy's existence), but I still had a lot of fun in this camp ^^

Perhaps they're just not the group of friends that I'm comfortable with or can be myself with.

Or maybe I'm just not used to getting any attention since I'm always the one getting lotsa attention anywhere I go HAHAHAH OH WELLS

Nevertheless, I still love Hexorius and feel really happy to attend this camp cos I've met people that I really feel comfortable with like Wendy(aka wendiku hahaha), Benjamin, Nigel & Sendra :-)

Thank you for the amazing 4D3N xx

OH AND PLS GO READ UP WENDY'S BLOG ABOUT THIS CAMP COS ITS MORE DETAILED AND HAS MY NAME MENTIONED A LOT OF TIMES INSIDE MUAHAHAHA

http://teadotsfortwo.blogspot.sg/