Sigh....I guess in life you just don't get all you want? Gahhh
No matter how much praying, no matter how much you want something more than someone else....that someone always gets it, don't they? So is this how I describe life?
I have never been so sad in my 17 years of life, feeling that the world only revolves around connections, connections & connections. If its a bad one, then too bad. You are fucked. If its good, then there goes a sweet life for you.
No matter how much crying, is there a chance to change the results? No. It will only make others happier. So all I can do now is to just sink in? I refuse.
Gonna be positive & accept all my failures, then make the best out of everything.
I am strong.
So many terrible things have happened to me this year, I'm sure I can get through it.
And ofc, I survived this tough period all by myself, so it also shows that I don't need a boyfriend in any point of my life to rely on anymore. I gotta learn to stand strong to be myself. Nobody is gonna help me, just when I thought certain people would. It ain't ever gonna happen. That's what I've learnt.
Good job MingYang, you're about to survive the toughest period in your life. My life, full of regrets, but still have to get through it even if it means sadness. Because I want to live. For myself, my family. When I look back, I will really be so proud of myself for graduating from all these shit, and becoming so successful in the future. I want to have a great career, great body, great mind, great success. (and lets forget a beautiful sunshine face HAHAHA)
Gonna sign off xoxo
Thursday, 30 July 2015
Saturday, 25 July 2015
reflecting on life on 27/07/15
Today, I've just conquered one of the most important interview in my life. I don't know what the results will be, but I'm really praying damn hard I will get in because it is all I ever wanted.
Life is sometimes so unpredictable, be it good or bad things sigh.
This year feels like a roller coaster ride already even though its only July.
Recently I've been listening to past songs that I've heard when in Year 1 in my Spotify playlist.
Makes me reminisce all the fun times as a freshie.
Year 2 now, everything has became so much harder.
Studies, relationships, work-life balance.
I feel like an adult, yet still like a child.
Really prefer studying rather than going out to the real world and work in an industry.
Ok, so basically just wanna marry a rich man that loves me then I won't have to work HA HA
But first, I really gotta upgrade myself to fit the man that I'm gonna marry.
I like how ambitious I am, but not the part that I am lazy to take actions sometimes...
Oh well.
I wanna:
- start taking dance lessons
- start taking ukulele or guitar lessons
- find time to draw
- love someone
- devote myself to a soul mate
- do well in my studies
- get into what I always wanted
- balance well my work & study life
- make more time for my family
- love people that really cares for me
- remind myself the line towards certain people
I just feel that I need commitments to get myself busy, forget everything, & make myself feel useful.
'Don't expect to be at my success, when you're never at my lowest.'
'You're all over there happy, with a new motivation in life, while I'm still here stuck with the past.'
I guess I'm so sad these months to the point of not realising that my birthday is approaching until now ha ha
May God be ever in my favor please please please I really want to get in very badly
Life is sometimes so unpredictable, be it good or bad things sigh.
This year feels like a roller coaster ride already even though its only July.
Recently I've been listening to past songs that I've heard when in Year 1 in my Spotify playlist.
Makes me reminisce all the fun times as a freshie.
Year 2 now, everything has became so much harder.
Studies, relationships, work-life balance.
I feel like an adult, yet still like a child.
Really prefer studying rather than going out to the real world and work in an industry.
Ok, so basically just wanna marry a rich man that loves me then I won't have to work HA HA
But first, I really gotta upgrade myself to fit the man that I'm gonna marry.
I like how ambitious I am, but not the part that I am lazy to take actions sometimes...
Oh well.
I wanna:
- start taking dance lessons
- start taking ukulele or guitar lessons
- find time to draw
- love someone
- devote myself to a soul mate
- do well in my studies
- get into what I always wanted
- balance well my work & study life
- make more time for my family
- love people that really cares for me
- remind myself the line towards certain people
I just feel that I need commitments to get myself busy, forget everything, & make myself feel useful.
'Don't expect to be at my success, when you're never at my lowest.'
'You're all over there happy, with a new motivation in life, while I'm still here stuck with the past.'
I guess I'm so sad these months to the point of not realising that my birthday is approaching until now ha ha
May God be ever in my favor please please please I really want to get in very badly
Wednesday, 1 July 2015
biggest life lesson before I turn 18
I really hope I would laugh at this post 10 years down the road.
I hate the person I am now, or perhaps the people around me that has made me so upset to a point that I would want to give up on them.
Why why why do people want to change to someone so superficial and forget those that are their true friends who can stay with them till they die?
I know best friends are suppose to accept each other for who they are and their changes, but it has come to a point where I myself, cannot take the huge change anymore.
No longer the positive girl you used to be, no more cafe hopping dates, no more tgif dates to everywhere anywhere we would go just to explore good food and take nice pictures.
Blame me for being not bubbly anymore, because I am so affected by your change how do you want me to stay as happy as before? The only way, I guess, is to give you up as a best friend.
I guess in life there are no relationships that will go smooth, just when I thought we were exception.
I suppose people change, when they are legal, or some big thing that impacts each life. But, why for the worse? I really wish people aren't so passive and would stand firm on their ground and not wavered by temptations. So stuck with the surface you have now, you don't even see all you ever need is just me, and only me. If we survived the whole of last year together, loving each other's presence, why do you still need other people that only gives you the surface happiness? But overall, its your own choice, your own happiness. I have no more rights to intrude your life because I have officially given you up as my best friend after almost 3 months of struggle.
The struggle has been nothing short of pain, flashbacks and tears. You've chosen the superficial things in your life over me and it is what I have to accept. Hope 10 years later, you'll look back and realise you made a very bad decision and lost a lifelong friend. At least I know I've tried to make things work out, but each time it just goes back to frustration and tears. I am human, I get tired too.
Goodbye, my ex bestest friend.
I have loved you.
I hate the person I am now, or perhaps the people around me that has made me so upset to a point that I would want to give up on them.
Why why why do people want to change to someone so superficial and forget those that are their true friends who can stay with them till they die?
I know best friends are suppose to accept each other for who they are and their changes, but it has come to a point where I myself, cannot take the huge change anymore.
No longer the positive girl you used to be, no more cafe hopping dates, no more tgif dates to everywhere anywhere we would go just to explore good food and take nice pictures.
Blame me for being not bubbly anymore, because I am so affected by your change how do you want me to stay as happy as before? The only way, I guess, is to give you up as a best friend.
I guess in life there are no relationships that will go smooth, just when I thought we were exception.
I suppose people change, when they are legal, or some big thing that impacts each life. But, why for the worse? I really wish people aren't so passive and would stand firm on their ground and not wavered by temptations. So stuck with the surface you have now, you don't even see all you ever need is just me, and only me. If we survived the whole of last year together, loving each other's presence, why do you still need other people that only gives you the surface happiness? But overall, its your own choice, your own happiness. I have no more rights to intrude your life because I have officially given you up as my best friend after almost 3 months of struggle.
The struggle has been nothing short of pain, flashbacks and tears. You've chosen the superficial things in your life over me and it is what I have to accept. Hope 10 years later, you'll look back and realise you made a very bad decision and lost a lifelong friend. At least I know I've tried to make things work out, but each time it just goes back to frustration and tears. I am human, I get tired too.
Goodbye, my ex bestest friend.
I have loved you.
Friday, 12 June 2015
sad thoughts
It's been like more than half a year just to update this space ha ha ha.
I wonder who still visits man,
But anyway, wanna pen down some quotes/thoughts that got me really thinking lately.
1. Never trust the same person who broke your trust twice.
2. A leopard will never change its spots.
3. Be independent, for that you can never be with someone forever in everything you do.
4. Don't be afraid to be alone.
5. Better to be alone than with a bunch of people that makes you feel lonely.
6. If people wants to continue their friendship with you, they will take the initiative.
7. Very tired of always being the one taking initiative. Its time for me to stop, to either make you realise that I've stopped or to make me realise you are genuine about our friendship.
8. Is there really such things as fate?
9. Sick of always asking people what they are doing, why they are angry, sad or mad. Because when it's my turn, nobody does it ha ha saddening isn't it?
10. Fake people are everywhere. Or basically, everyone. Even me, perhaps?
11. It sucks balls to be so nice to people, and then your kind intentions get intertwined.
12. Graduate with no true friends in poly, is very much true.
13. You can never be yourself because everyone is judging 24/7.
14. Everyone and everything are based on looks. What to do?
15. Why is even putting make up wrong? I feel good, so shut up.
16. I don't need such childish men in my life.
17. I am not everyone's substitute, nor a toy.
18. Stop being sensitive. The question is, how?
19. Is sensitivity stuck to the soul?
20. Why am I trying to impress everyone around me when I'm pretty much, unimpressive?
21. Ego.
22. Why do I keep forcing myself? Hate it.
23. Will never do things to harm my own body because its my soul that I dislike.
24. One day, the guy that calls me beautiful and cute while grinning with cheeky eyes, shall be my man,
25. I find my way back to you. 6 years and counting...
26. Will I ever find him?
27. They say he'll appear when I'm not finding for one... :-) (hopefully)
28. Should stop being aggressive, But then, it won't be me anymore... Sigh...
29. Start saving for my future. $$$
NOTE TO SELF:
INDEPENDENCE & PERSEVERANCE IS THE KEY TO SUCCESS.
I wonder who still visits man,
But anyway, wanna pen down some quotes/thoughts that got me really thinking lately.
1. Never trust the same person who broke your trust twice.
2. A leopard will never change its spots.
3. Be independent, for that you can never be with someone forever in everything you do.
4. Don't be afraid to be alone.
5. Better to be alone than with a bunch of people that makes you feel lonely.
6. If people wants to continue their friendship with you, they will take the initiative.
7. Very tired of always being the one taking initiative. Its time for me to stop, to either make you realise that I've stopped or to make me realise you are genuine about our friendship.
8. Is there really such things as fate?
9. Sick of always asking people what they are doing, why they are angry, sad or mad. Because when it's my turn, nobody does it ha ha saddening isn't it?
10. Fake people are everywhere. Or basically, everyone. Even me, perhaps?
11. It sucks balls to be so nice to people, and then your kind intentions get intertwined.
12. Graduate with no true friends in poly, is very much true.
13. You can never be yourself because everyone is judging 24/7.
14. Everyone and everything are based on looks. What to do?
15. Why is even putting make up wrong? I feel good, so shut up.
16. I don't need such childish men in my life.
17. I am not everyone's substitute, nor a toy.
18. Stop being sensitive. The question is, how?
19. Is sensitivity stuck to the soul?
20. Why am I trying to impress everyone around me when I'm pretty much, unimpressive?
21. Ego.
22. Why do I keep forcing myself? Hate it.
23. Will never do things to harm my own body because its my soul that I dislike.
24. One day, the guy that calls me beautiful and cute while grinning with cheeky eyes, shall be my man,
25. I find my way back to you. 6 years and counting...
26. Will I ever find him?
27. They say he'll appear when I'm not finding for one... :-) (hopefully)
28. Should stop being aggressive, But then, it won't be me anymore... Sigh...
29. Start saving for my future. $$$
NOTE TO SELF:
INDEPENDENCE & PERSEVERANCE IS THE KEY TO SUCCESS.
Saturday, 25 October 2014
Square-fade pictures
Basically my life in squares, andddddd in fade effect!! Got damn addicted to it thanks to Mabel 😍 😗
new kicks I got from H&M recently!! super in love with 💗
visiting Nanz house during deepavali! I miss secondary school days so so so much, where people are less fake.
notebooks Jeanette were choosing to write her module notes :)
great marshmallow ice cream Brenda & I waited damn long for
😋
first time wearing le new kicks, along with new pullover which Leyi & I got tgtr!
hers in green 😊
random art thang I drew while being bored in Environmental Health lecture zzzz
prolly the best person on earth
💛 💙 💜 💚
recently gone damn crazy with etude house stuffs???
I have like 3 packets of their stuffs within a week lel see my level of fandom
& super love how they give samples!!!
omggggg can just spend my whole pay there
dk why I got so into makeup recently hehehe
girlssssss
Life now
Honestly everything in my life is damn fucked up now.
School just barely started, and I'm forced back to being hardworking but I'm still unable to cope whatever is being taught. This sucks. Yes I am not only stupid, but also a very slow learner.
Getting into X was the best thing that could ever happen in my life because indeed it is a very rare opportunity. But ever since I got to know everyone, meetings were never going my way. Every single time I would cry without fail. Lousy planning, zero efficiency. Im sick of all these already. Fuck off guys.
Always having to feel left out, not being able to fit in, not attractive enough for people to start conversation with. How many times I cried for being not pretty enough to get chosen while other girls dont even have to try to be pretty. Im so sick of all these superficial and judgemental shits even though I admit I do it too. Karma I guess, fuck it. This is my life, my sucky life that I have to go through.
Hate projects, hate meetings, hate socialising.
All I want to do is have enough sleep and do what I feel comfortable with.
School just barely started, and I'm forced back to being hardworking but I'm still unable to cope whatever is being taught. This sucks. Yes I am not only stupid, but also a very slow learner.
Getting into X was the best thing that could ever happen in my life because indeed it is a very rare opportunity. But ever since I got to know everyone, meetings were never going my way. Every single time I would cry without fail. Lousy planning, zero efficiency. Im sick of all these already. Fuck off guys.
Always having to feel left out, not being able to fit in, not attractive enough for people to start conversation with. How many times I cried for being not pretty enough to get chosen while other girls dont even have to try to be pretty. Im so sick of all these superficial and judgemental shits even though I admit I do it too. Karma I guess, fuck it. This is my life, my sucky life that I have to go through.
Hate projects, hate meetings, hate socialising.
All I want to do is have enough sleep and do what I feel comfortable with.
Wednesday, 30 July 2014
ALOHA
omg guise!!! its been dayummmm long since i've updated this holy space of mine sighhhh
school work is reallty hectic and poly is honestly no joke man. i always feel stressed out no matter how much i try to rush my assignments so i get to have some time for myself. the worst part is that everyone is always at a faster pace than me which really freaks me out zzzz
no matter whatttt i still have no regrets :)))) (anyway I cant regret also hahah sobsob)
so like through these few months of my poly life im really grateful for knowing many many manyyyyyy nice people (some are very fake though, i tryna keep a distance in case I get influenced HAHAHA)
and the following would be some things I try to be strict with myself to stay not so stressed out! I dont know if it would work for you but whatever im just gonna note it down and constantly remind myself.
1. Do work at your own pace
try not to care about what others pace are, just do it at your own pace which you can focus and concentrate most. slow and steady wins the race yo!!! must must must do whats more suitable for yourself if not everything would end up going wrong if you tryna rush yourself just because you are so easily influenced by others!!
2. Do it for yourself
never ever i repeat never ever try to compare your marks with others. as much as this stupid world revolves around grades mostly, never ever have the heart to compete with others because it is just so unhealthy. it only ends up causing jealousy and sadness. so just do it for yourself, because the marks you get belongs to you yourself only, not others. do not care or think about other peoples results. so very unhealthy and distracting.
3. Do not treat others how you do not want them to treat you like
this amazing quote came from benji when i was bitching bout some gal. so even as much as I dont like some people I guess I should be nice and just avoid them and dont annoy them. I shall save up my saliva and keep my mouth shut about them too. It will only distract myself and its sooooo badddddddd. Imagine someone scolding meeee how hurtful would it be sobbbzzz yay good self reflection done
goodbye
school work is reallty hectic and poly is honestly no joke man. i always feel stressed out no matter how much i try to rush my assignments so i get to have some time for myself. the worst part is that everyone is always at a faster pace than me which really freaks me out zzzz
no matter whatttt i still have no regrets :)))) (anyway I cant regret also hahah sobsob)
so like through these few months of my poly life im really grateful for knowing many many manyyyyyy nice people (some are very fake though, i tryna keep a distance in case I get influenced HAHAHA)
and the following would be some things I try to be strict with myself to stay not so stressed out! I dont know if it would work for you but whatever im just gonna note it down and constantly remind myself.
1. Do work at your own pace
try not to care about what others pace are, just do it at your own pace which you can focus and concentrate most. slow and steady wins the race yo!!! must must must do whats more suitable for yourself if not everything would end up going wrong if you tryna rush yourself just because you are so easily influenced by others!!
2. Do it for yourself
never ever i repeat never ever try to compare your marks with others. as much as this stupid world revolves around grades mostly, never ever have the heart to compete with others because it is just so unhealthy. it only ends up causing jealousy and sadness. so just do it for yourself, because the marks you get belongs to you yourself only, not others. do not care or think about other peoples results. so very unhealthy and distracting.
3. Do not treat others how you do not want them to treat you like
this amazing quote came from benji when i was bitching bout some gal. so even as much as I dont like some people I guess I should be nice and just avoid them and dont annoy them. I shall save up my saliva and keep my mouth shut about them too. It will only distract myself and its sooooo badddddddd. Imagine someone scolding meeee how hurtful would it be sobbbzzz yay good self reflection done
goodbye
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